


Where Thoughts Can Breathe

by Lola99



Series: The Commander and The Champion [3]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Mass Effect
Genre: Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-23
Updated: 2014-10-27
Packaged: 2018-02-18 12:52:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2349080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lola99/pseuds/Lola99
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things get exciting in Kirkwall when the crew of the SSV Normandy SR-2 finds a way to communicate with their lost Commander.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Honestly, I’m not sure what happened. This was supposed to just be one silly little M!Hawke/M!Shepard crossover ficlet. Then it turned into two. Now it seems it’s becoming an entire silly story of it’s own, with more and more characters becoming involved.  
> Please don’t take this too seriously. I know my logic probably doesn’t make much sense, but it’s really just supposed to be fun. I’m not sure how much there will be to this or how often I’ll be updating, but there is at least one more chapter planned for now.  
> For those of you here for Hawke/Shepard, I’m sure there will be more of that too. And thank you so much for all the kudos and kind words on the other two installments.  
> The title was taken from the lyrics to “Parallel Universe” by Red Hot Chili Peppers.  
> BioWare owns all, I’m just messing with it.

 

* * *

 

 

He and Shepard were tangled up with the covers and each other when a sound from the window roused Hawke up the next morning.  He was still in the process of waking up when a familiar voice caused his eyes to open with a start.

“You two sure look like you had a fun night!”

“How in Andraste’s name did you get in here, Isabela?”

“Through the window of course.  Silly question, Hawke.”

He felt Shepard start to stir next to him.  They other man slowly opened his eyes and then looked over towards the window.  He looked slightly less perturbed.  

“Oh, hey Bela.  What’s with the picnic basket?”

The pirate winked.  “See, Hawke?  That was a better question.”

Hawek rubbed his face and sighed.  “Fine.  What’s with…”

He trailed off as he realized that the picnic basket looked familiar.  And then he remembered the fight in the square from the night before.

“Oh, Maker,” He mumbled to himself.  Out loud, he said, “Isabela, exactly how long were you outside the window before you decided to come in?”

Isabela’s grin did nothing to set his mind at ease as she said, “Now _that_ was the best question of all.”

Hawke never got an answer to his question as his bedroom was once again invaded by one of his companions.

“Hawke!  Hawke!  Where is Shepard?”

Both men, and Isabela, turned in surprise as Anders came crashing through the door and then stopped short once he took in the scene in the room.

“Oh.  I...I’m sorry.  I probably should have knocked.”

Hawke sighed.  “Why?  No one else does.”

When he stared pointedly at Isabela, she just laughed and winked. There were a few moments of awkward silence before Shepard finally cleared his throat.

“You were looking for me, Anders?”

“Ah, yes!  The armor that you were wearing when you first appeared?  I have been studying it because it is unlike anything I’ve ever seen before.  And...well...it just started _talking_ to me.”

“Talking to you?  What did it say?”

“It seems to be asking for you.”

“Where is it?  I need to see it.”

“I thought you might say that, so I brought it with me.  It’s down in the study.”

Shepard started to move to get up, but Hawke stopped him with a and on his elbow.  Then he turned to look at Isabela and then Anders.

“Will you two kindly give us a moment?  Perhaps wait in the study with the, um...talking armor?”

Once they had both finally left and they were once again alone, Hawke turned to Shepard.

“Is it your own world trying to contact you?”

“I don’t know. I guess that it must be.  Somehow.”

Shepard looked so excited, and Hawke’s heart fell slightly. He looked down at the blanket, picking at a loose thread.

“Ah.”

“Hey.”  Shepard spoke softly and reached a hand to cup Hawke’s cheek, forcing him to meet his eyes.  “I meant what I said last night, you know.  Without a doubt.  But if there is a way to at least talk with some of my friends back home, I would like to do that.”

His spirit lifted, Hawke pulled Shepard down and kissed him tenderly before saying, “Well then, let’s go see what your _armor_ has to say, shall we?”

 

 

* * *

 

 

As Shepard made his way towards the study, he heard Isabela and Anders talking inside.

“I don’t hear anything.  Have you finally gone completely off your rocker, Anders?”

“It’s not _constant_.  It seems to be doing it at regular intervals. I know patience isn’t your strong suit, Isabela, but just give it a moment.”

“Oh I can be patient, Anders.  With the proper motivation, that is.”

Though he couldn’t see his face, Shepard could practically hear the eye-roll in Anders’ reply.  “I’m sure.”

“Commander Shepard, can you read me?  Come in, Commander Shepard.”

“Ooooh, it _does_ talk!  And it has a sexy voice.  You didn’t say that it had a sexy voice, Anders.”

“See, now these are the moments that I’m absolutely certain that this is all some crazy dream.  That sounds exactly like something Samantha would say.  And then she would proceed to tell me everything she wanted to do to the voice.”

Isabela turned with a grin as Shepard walked into the study, with Hawke close behind.

“And who is Samantha?  I like her already.”

Shepard winked at her and said, “Samantha was the Comm Specialist aboard my ship, and the owner of that voice you like so much.”

“So can we talk to her?”

“Yeah, I think so.  If we can receive a message from her, then we should be able to send one back.”  

Shepard walked over to his armor and started poking at it.  “Usually, there’s just a button I’d push, but this armor is pretty mangled.  I’m not the best with tech, but maybe I can fumble with…”  He trailed off, continuing to poke around for a few minutes before he finally said, “Ah-ha!  There we go.  Sam?  Sam are you still there?  It’s Shepard.”

“Commander?”

“Yes!  How the hell are you talking to me right now?  Do you know where I am?”

“We have a vague idea of where you are.  EDI and I analyzed data from the Crucilble after it fired, and concluded that you had been sent into a parallel universe.  We had no way of knowing if you were okay, though.  It’s good to hear your voice.”

“It’s good to hear yours too, Sweetness.”

Shepard looked over his shoulder in surprise as Isabela practically purred next to him, and then back to the armor as Sam said, “Um, right.  Who was that?”

“Comm Specialist Samantha Traynor, meet Captain Isabela,  pirate queen of the Eastern Seas.”

Isabela’s rich laugh spread throughout the room.  “Oh, Shepard is being far too kind.  I’m not much of a captain without a ship.  But I am glad to make your acquaintance, _Samantha_.”

“Um, right.  Yes. I-I mean, so am I.  Pleased to meet you, that is.”

Even though Shepard couldn't see her, he knew that Samantha was blushing furiously on the other end of the comm.  

“Right, Sam.  You didn’t answer my question.  How are we talking across parallel universes right now?”

“Come on, Commander.  You do know who you are talking to, right?  Between EDI and myself, this was child’s play.”

“Oooh, feisty.  I’m beginning to like her more and more.”

“You’re beginning to grow on me yourself, _Captain_.”

_Oh for heaven’s sake_ , Shepard thought to himself as Sam’s voice dropped on the last word.  Outloud, he said, “Should I leave you two alone?”

“Oh, would you?”

He narrowed his eyes at Isabela as Sam said, “Right, sorry.  Anyways, Commander, it seems that we might be able to, in time, recreate the energy burst that sent you there.  I’m, uh, not sure exactly how helpful that would be since it would only be one-way.”

“Yeah Sam, this world is not anywhere near as advanced as ours technologically, so I doubt we’d be able to do anything on this end.  But to be honest, I’m not very concerned about it.  I’m actually quite happy here.”

“I wonder…” Samantha trailed off, and he could hear her speaking in the background before she came back.  “I wonder if we might be able to send a QEC unit over to you, and then we’d at least be able to talk face-to-face.  If you wanted, of course.”

Isabela perked up next to him.  “Are you telling me that there is a way I’d be able to see this sweet thing when I talk to her?  Make it happen, Shepard.”

He laughed and said, “You heard the woman, Sam.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, before you read the next few chapters, just remember that I told you not to take any of this seriously, lol.  
> That being said, this isn’t the most exciting of chapters, it’s mostly just getting everyone together. But things should get plenty interesting after this.  
> Okay. BioWare owns all, I’m just messing with it in a way that makes me happy.

 

* * *

  

 

 

Samantha and EDI needed several weeks to recreate the energy burst that had sent Shepard into another universe.  In the meantime, he had conversations with various members of his former crew.  He was happy to learn that the Crucible had worked, and so had all of the precautions and preparations his crew had made beforehand.  The Reapers were gone, and most other technology in the galaxy was able to be repaired.  

The major things, like the relays, the geth, and EDI, were repaired within a matter of weeks.  Other things would take time.  But from what they told him, it sounded the all the work he’d done to unite everyone wasn’t forgotten the minute the Reapers were gone, and all of the races continued to work together to rebuild.  Shepard was enough of a realist to know that it wouldn’t stay that way forever, but he hoped that at least some of the changes would be permanent.

Shepard was amused to find that Isabela visited more often, and spent more time in the study than she did practicing dueling with him.  He mercilessly teased Samantha about it and the first time, she was completely flustered.  

The second time, she surprised him.

“Well Shepard, what can I say?  She tells the most _interesting_ stories.”

The way she said it left him feeling slightly uneasy as he said, “Oh yeah?”

Her giggle didn’t set his mind at ease.  “Oh yes.  My favorite was about the time she came upon the tail end of a fight in...Hightown, I think she said.  Anyway, a couple of strong, capable men had taken care of a group of bandits and seemed to be feeling some post-battle...euphoria an-”

“Okay, Sam.  I get the point.  I’ll drop it.”  

Samantha only laughed in response.  Shepard could feel his face heating as he simultaneously said a silent thanks that he was alone and filed a mental reminder to have words with Isabela later.

Changing the subject, he asked, “So how is the research coming?”

“Actually, we are almost ready to run a test.  The only problem we have is that we’ll be doing this from the Normandy, and we have no idea what a change in our location will mean on your end.  Whatever we send could come out on the other side of the word-or another planet for all we know.  We’re going to try and get as close as we can to your original location, but to be honest, we don’t know exactly where you were when the beam went off.”

He rubbed the back of his neck as he considered what she’d said.  “Yeah, neither do I.  So what’s the plan then?  How will we know if it came over if I don’t know where to look for it?”

“Does your omni-tool still work?”

“Yes.  Not that I’ve had much opportunity to use it here.”

“I’d imagine not.  Nothing for it to connect to.  Huh.  I wonder if….”

She trailed off, seemingly talking to herself.  Shepard cleared his throat.

“Uh, Sam?”

“Oh!  Yes.  The plan is to send something over with a transponder that you can hopefully track via your omni-tool.”

“Sounds good.  When?”

“Tomorrow work for you?”

 

 

* * *

 

 

The next day Samantha stood in the Normandy’s shuttle bay, double and triple checking all of the numbers that she and EDI had run.

“The calculations are correct, Specialist Traynor.  I have rerun them multiple times, coming to the same conclusion every time.”

“Sorry, EDI.  Nervous habit.”

“I just stated that our calculations are accurate.  What is there to be nervous about?”

Oh, how she wished she had EDI’s certainty.  They’d set up a barrier in the shuttle bay to contain the energy so that it didn’t destroy the ship.  Her first concern was that it wouldn’t be enough.  Her second concern was that this wouldn’t work at all, that whatever had sent Shepard into another universe was a fluke that could not be recreated.  

But she was not able to explain to anyone, especially herself, why it was so important to her that they be able to do that.  So for now, she simply shook her head.

“Nothing, EDI.  You’re right.  Shall we run the test?”

For all of the work that they’d put into this project, the test itself was rather anticlimactic.  They put the transponder in the test area, stepped out, and pushed a button.  There was a flash of energy and then the transponder was gone.

“Well.  It did _something_ ,” Samantha mumbled to herself.  Out loud and into the comm, she said, “Commander?  If everything worked as planned, you should be picking up the signal any time now.”

“Okay...let me just...okay, got it.  Huh.”

“What is it?”

“Well, if I’m reading this right, it’s in Kirkwall somewhere.  Hawke?  Come look at this.  What do you think?  Lowtown?”

Sam heard the other man’s voice sound in her ear.  “Um...what am I looking at exactly?”

“It’s like a map.  It doesn’t have any data on Kirkwall, so it’s not very detailed but it still should give us a good idea.  See, this shows you the direction it’s in, and approximately how far away it is.”

“Well, then if I’m understanding it correctly, I’d say yes.  Lowtown.”

“All right.  Sam?  We’ll go check it out and let you know what we find.”

“Sounds good.”

While she waited to hear from them, Sam and EDI got to work on setting up the QEC they would be sending through once they received confirmation that the test was a success.  They weren’t certain that it would work if the particles were actually in separate universes, but everyone had decided that it was worth a shot.

She’d also come to a decision, and had a couple of other things to get together before there next go.  Leaving EDI to finish up with the QEC, Samantha headed towards her locker.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“So how does that work again?”

Shepard looked up to find Hawke looking curiously at the omni-tool display on his arm.  

“Well, the box that Sam sent over is giving off a signal, energy, that this thing can pick up on.  We’re lucky it ended up so close, because it’s getting a pretty clear read on it.  The farther away it is, the weaker that signal becomes as the energy dissipates.  The close we get, the stronger it is.”

“Huh.  Interesting.”

“I can’t imagine what it would be like to try and understand how technology works if you haven't been around it your whole life.”

Hawke smirked at him.  “Maybe something like trying to understand magic?”

Shepard laughed.  “Good point.”  He looked down at the display again.  “Well, what do you know?”

“What?”

“It seems to be taking us to the Alienage.”

And it did, in fact, lead them to the Alienage.  More precisely, straight to Merrill’s house.  What were the odds?  They shared a look before Hawke reached up to knock on the door.  There was a shout from inside, followed by a series of muffled thumps, and then the door opened to a breathless and wide-eyed Merrill.

“Oh, Hawke!  Thank the Creators you’re here!  You won’t believe what just happened.”

As they followed her into the house, Shepard said, “Let me guess.  A strange box just appeared from nowhere?”

She whirled around to face him, tripping over her own feet in the process.  Shepard reached out to catch her, and she looked up.

“How did you know?”

“Because my friends sent it.”

Merrill righted herself and gave him a solemn look.  “Shepard, you say that you’ve never seen magic before, but I think you just have a different name for it.”

“It’s not quite…”  Shepard started to argue, but then reconsidered.  “Maybe you have a point, Merrill.”

“You don’t have to sound so surprised.”

He laughed.  “I’m sorry, Merrill.  I just hadn’t considered it that way, is all.  But now both you and Hawke have said something similar.”  He paused and looked around the room.  “So where is the box?”

“Over here.”

She led them into the next room where the small box sat almost perfectly in the center of the room.

“Is that where it came through?  Have you touched it at all?”

“No, I was afraid to.  I’ve just sort of stared at it for a bit.  Until you knocked on the door and scared the pants off me.”

“Right.  Sorry about that.”

Hawke spoke up from the doorway.  “So what do we do with it?”

“Nothing. This was just the test.  Next they’ll try to send a device through that will allow us to see each other when we talk.”

Merrill’s pointed look didn’t need a reply.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The next day Hawke and Shepard were back at Merrill’s house, only this time they had brought his communicator with.  They knew where the QEC unit was going to come through this time, so they were prepared.

“Okay, Sam.  We’re all ready on this end.”

“Roger, Commander.  Let me just…”  Her voice trailed off.  When she finally came back on the line it had a strange undertone to it.  “Okay, ready EDI?  In ten, nine, eight, seven, si-James!  What do you think you’re doing?  Get out of-”

She cut out mid-sentence, and the sudden silence was eerie.

“Sam?”

It was EDI’s synthesized voice that finally answered.  

“Specialist Traynor is no longer here, Commander.  Neither is Lieutenant Vega.”

“What do you mean, EDI?  Where are they?”

“I imagine you will be seeing them both shortly.”

As if on cue, there was a flash of light and suddenly Shepard was looking down at two unconscious but familiar forms.  Hawke looked at him with wide eyes, then at them, then he turned to Merrill.  

“Get Anders!”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um...yeah. This chapter started out silly but then took a turn. The whole story is turning into a thing with actual PLOT. I have no explanation. This is just what happens when I write-I lose all control over the characters.  
> Don’t get me wrong. It’s still absolutely ridiculous, and once I get through this little angsty moment, I want to get back to the silly fun (and YES that means Isabela/Sam shenanigans because I NEED THEM).  
> Anyways, thanks so much for all the comments/kudos. This was just little thing I did for fun, and I just love that other people are enjoying it too. <3  
> No beta, so I'm to blame for EVERYTHING.  
> BioWare owns all, I’m just messing with it in a way that makes me happy.

 

* * *

 

 

 

As James came into consciousness, he could feel a cold floor beneath him and it only highlighted the aches and pains he felt everywhere.  His entire body felt like a bruise, similar to they way he felt after sparring with Shepard.  

Shepard.  His eyes flew open, as his memory of what happened came rushing back.He’d wanted to try and send Shepard’s space hamster to him.  The commander loved that little guy, and was certain he’d want to have him..wherever he was.  When he’d gone down to the shuttle bay, Traynor had been in the chamber so he’d assumed it was safe.  Then she’d looked up at him and screamed for him to get out.  The last thing he remembered was a bright flash.

And now he was _not_ looking at the ceiling of the shuttle bay.  In fact, he was not looking at anything even remotely resembling any part of the Normandy.  And there was an angel looking down at him with a concerned expression.  She had the most beautiful markings on her face.  James wasn’t sure what compelled him to do it, but he found himself lifting his hand and tracing them with his finger.  Her concern turned to shock but she didn't move, instead speaking softly.

“Are you okay?”

Her voice broke the spell he was under and he hastily withdrew his hand.  

“Um...I feel like I’ve been run over by a Mako but I think I’m alive.  What happened?  Where am I?”

“My bedroom,” she stated simply, as if it was perfectly normal.  “What’s a mako?”

“Um...”

“Vega?”

Shepard’s face suddenly appeared over him as the woman who’d been there slipped away.

“Shepard?  What the hell are you…”  It suddenly dawned on him where he must be.  “How did I get here?”

“That’d be my fault I’m afraid.”  James turned to see Sam sitting on the floor just a few feet away from him.  She narrowed her eyes at him before continuing, “Although I don’t know what you were doing in a closed testing area.”

“ _You_ were in there.  I thought it was safe.”

“Yes.  Well…about that.  I’m...sort of...here on purpose.”

“ _You’re what now_?  Did Commander Williams know that you were going to do that?”

Sam shook her head.  “No.  I only told EDI and she swore to keep it a secret.  But no one else was supposed to be there!  It was my choice for me to go.  I’m so sorry you got pulled into it.”

There were a million thoughts running through James’ head, but the first and foremost was, “So, there’s no way to go back.”

Her expression was grim as she said, “I’m afraid not.  I’m so sorry, James.”

“Right...okay...I...wow.  I don’t even know what to say.”

“It will be okay, you know.”  The mysterious woman was back, her face appearing behind Shepard’s shoulder.  “I had to leave my home and everything I knew behind, but Hawke and everyone else have been so nice.  They’ll take care of you.”

“Um...thank you.  I...don’t know your name.”

“I’m Merrill.  What’s your name?”

“James.”

“It’s very nice to meet you, James.”

And then she smiled and all the thoughts that had been in his head flew out, replaced by only one:  She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

 

 

* * *

 

 

After getting James and Samantha settled into Hawke’s guest room, Shepard made his way into the library to talk to the other man.  

“Well.  I’m sorry that my universe keeps imposing on your hospitality like this.”

Hawke looked up from his book and smiled.  “It’s not a problem.  Are they going to be all right?”

Shepard settled into the chair next to Hawke’s before replying.

“Physically, Anders said they’ll be fine.  They just had a shock to the system with the energy that brought them here, but he said they should be feeling normal after some rest.”

“And other than physically?”

“Sam will be fine.  She wanted to come here.  James...I do feel bad for him, but I think he’ll adjust.”

Hawke flashed a grin and said, “I think Merrill might help.”

“Noticed that too, did you?  I’ve never seen him quite like that.  He didn’t even try to flirt with her once.”  Hawke raised a brow and Shepard shrugged.  “It’s what he usually does.”

“Ah.  A bit like our Isabela, then?”

“Exactly.  Speaking of…”

Laughing, Hawke said, “Yes, I imagine we should expect a visit from her shortly.  News travels fast in Kirkwall.”

“Excuse me, Messere Hawke?”

They both looked up to see Bodahn standing at the top of the stairs, an envelop in his hands.

“Yes, Bodahn?”

“This letter was just delivered.  Would you like it now or shall I put it on your desk?”

“Who is it from?”

“It appears to be from...your brother, Messere.”

Shepard was certain he’d misheard that.  He turned towards Hawke and watched the color drain from his face.

“I have no brother.  You can toss it in the fire for all I care, Bodahn.  Excuse me.”

And with that he got up and walked out of the library.  A few moments later, Shepard heard the front door slam.  He turned in confusion to the dwarf.

“I thought...he’d said he’d lost his entire family.  I mean, I heard the specifics of how his father, his sister, and even his mother died, but nothing about his brother.  But I guess I assumed that ‘lost’ meant the same thing for all them.”

Bodahn looked sad as he said, “It’s not really my place to say, and I didn’t really know him before it happened, but I believe Messere Hawke feels that his brother betrayed him when he joined the Templars.”

“I see.  Thank you, Bodahn.”

The dwarf simply gave a slight bow, and turned to leave the library.  Shepard followed close behind, and was just in time to see Bodahn slip the envelope onto Hawke’s desk.  Taking a moment to grab his cloak and daggers, Shepard made his way to the front door.  

He wasn’t going after Hawke.  He knew the man needed time alone.  But Shepard wanted answers, and he knew just where to get them.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“There’s not a lot to say, Shepard.  Junior was uncomfortable living under Hawke’s shadow, and it was obvious to everyone except Hawke himself.”  Varric shrugged.  “Mostly because he never saw his brother as anything other than an equal.  But that’s not to say that Junior didn’t have a reason to feel the way he did.  Both his siblings were mages.  His father was a mage.  It was natural for him to feel like an outsider.”

“I suppose that makes sense.  But why join the Templars?  Why become the one thing that had hunted his family all of those years.  Does he _hate_ Hawke?”

Varric shook his head.  “No.  I don’t think so.  I think it was just the one thing he could do that Hawke couldn’t.  The one place that he could be completely free to find his own path, his own success.  Honestly, I think if he’d taken the time to explain that to Hawke, he might have understood.”

“He didn’t?”

“I think he tried to, at first.  But it was right after we came back from the Deep Roads and none of us were at our best then.”  Varric’s expression hardened and his eyes flashed briefly.  “One more perceived betrayal was a little too much.  But, I think if he’d given Hawke a little time and tried again...well.”  He shrugged.  “What do I know?”

“Hmm.  Thank you, Varric.”

“Anytime.”

Shepard got up to leave, and was almost to the door when Varric spoke again.

“Shepard?”

Turning his head, he said, “Yeah?”

“Give him time but...not too much.  Things are getting bad around here, I can feel this all coming to a head sooner rather than later.  If he’s still at odds with his brother when it does, he’ll come to regret it later.  Don’t let that happen.”

Shepard considered for a moment before simply nodding at Varric and turning to leave.  He made his way back to High Town and let himself in through the front door.  Bodahn was waiting for him in the entry.

“Messere Shepard, thank the Ancestors you’re back.”

“Why, what’s happened?”

“Messere Hawk returned about a half hour ago.  He was very upset and he took the letter into his bedroom and shut himself in.  He, uh...it sounded like he was throwing things.  He won’t let me in.  Maybe you can talk to him?”

Shepard didn’t even answer, walking quickly to the stairs and ascending them two at a time.  He ignored the questioning glances from both Traynor and Vega, instead heading straight towards Hawke’s bedroom and knocking softly on the door.

“Hawke?  It’s Shepard.  Can I come in?”

He couldn’t hear anything from inside.  After a minute with no response, he tried again.

“Garrett?  Please?”

Hawke still didn’t say anything, but Shepard heard the lock on the door click, and he carefully made his way into the room.  He ignored the items strewn about the room, instead focusing on the man standing in the center.  

Hawke looked utterly defeated.  His eyes were rimmed in red and it was obvious that he’d been crying.  Shepard immediately went to him, bringing up a hand to the side of his face.  The other man closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, so Shepard pulled him in closer, allowing him to rest his head on his shoulder and enveloping him in his arms.

Hawke mumbled into Shepard’s shirt, “I just wanted to protect them.”

“I know.”

“I failed.”

“You did what you could.”

“It wasn’t enough.”

Shepard understood that feeling more than he wanted to, so he simply repeated, “I know.”

The stood like that in complete silence for several minutes before Hawke abruptly pulled away and walked over to his desk, picking up the letter that sat on top of it and handing it to Shepard.  As Hawke sank into the chair and laid his head on the desk, Shepard began to read.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry this took so long and it’s relatively short. RL drama to deal with. :-/ But, we do have a little bit of Isabela in this chapter, so yay!  
> Thanks again for the comments and kudos! I seriously love that other people are enjoying this silly little adventure! <3  
> No beta, so I'm to blame for EVERYTHING.  
> BioWare owns all, I’m just messing with it in a way that makes me happy.

 

* * *

 

 

_Dear Brother,_

_I don’t even know where to start.  I’m sorry doesn’t seem quite right.  I am sorry, but maybe not for the things you think I should be._

_I’m sorry that I hurt you in my struggle to find my own path.  Of that, I am certain.  I am not sorry that I joined the Templars.  Of that, I am also certain._

_I am sorry that I haven’t tried to reach out to you before now.  I mean, I did.  Once.  And when you didn’t reply, I left it alone.  I should have tried harder to make you understand.  I didn’t join the Templars just to spite you, even though I can see that my actions might make you think that I did.  I joined the Templars for a couple of other reasons._

_The first was that I knew it was a place where I would truly be on my own, free to become my own man without your influence, protection...or shadow.  And you do cast a rather large shadow, Brother.  I’ve come to realize that you don’t do it on purpose, that it is just a part of who you are.  The protector.  You’ve felt responsible for our family since Father died.  In the process of doing what you saw as your duty, you became larger than life._

_The second reason I joined the Templars was that I truly felt, and still do feel, that I can help you from here.  For instance, I can tell you that Meredith is not pleased with what she perceives as you taking Orsino’s side in their recent disagreements.  From what I’ve heard you have, as ever, tried to be diplomatic rather than take sides.  But that’s not how she sees it.  And you need to be careful._

_Meredith is...unstable.  I’m not sure what happened, but recently she’s been quite paranoid.  She also seems to truly believe that she should be running this city, and I’m not sure how much your status as Champion can protect you if she decides that you are a threat.  I know that you can take care of yourself.  But if she brings the entirety of the Templar force in Kirkwall against you, even the great Champion couldn’t stand against her._

_I want you to know that if that does happen, I will be at your side.  Whether you care for it or not, my sword is yours._

_To be honest, I spent some time ~~after Mother~~ after what happened with Mother thinking that I could never forgive you.  But then I realized that you were probably thinking the same thing about yourself.  And that’s when I stopped pretending that it was your fault.  You are just usually able to pull of things that would be impossible for most other people so in those few times that you couldn’t, it felt like a monumental failure.  That’s how I saw it, and I know that’s how you saw it.  How you probably still see it.  _

_But what happened to Mother, what happened to Bethany...neither of those things were your fault.  They were just horrible things that happened.  I know that now.  Maybe someday you’ll realize that as well._

_I hope that you can forgive me for being such a stubborn ass.  While I still don’t think I’ve always been wrong, I can now see that I may have handled my frustration wrong.  I came across as a petulant child, which was the exact opposite of what I was trying to do._

_I don’t think it’s safe to send letter to and from my barracks.  If you decide that you can forgive me and wish to talk with me, I will be at the spot we found the Warden documents and strange potion several years ago.  Tomorrow.  At midnight._

_I hope to see you._

_~Carver_

 

 

* * *

 

 

Isabela had heard an interesting rumor and she needed to find out if it was true.  Hawke or Shepard would have been the best people to ask, but she had seen Shepard leave Varric’s room and the expression on his face had stopped her from going after him.  

Since she couldn’t go straight to the source, she’d check with the one person who knew everything that happened in this city.

“Rivaini.”

She hated it when he did that.  He hadn’t even looked up from his papers.  She was supposed to be stealthy, but she’d never quite figured out how to sneak up on Varric.

“Why was Shepard here?”

“Hawke’s having Carver issues.”

“Ah.  So...not a good time to pay a visit.”

This finally made Varric look up.  He grinned.  “Heard the rumors, did you?”

“I might have.  Are they true?”

“Daisy says they are.”

“And she’s at Hawke’s estate?”

“Yep.”

“Balls.”

“You know, I think Shepard will be busy with Hawke for a while.  And their new guests might feel a little left out.”

“Oooh, so I should go entertain-wait.  Guests?  As in more than one?”

“Yep.  Two as a matter of fact.  You should take them to visit Daisy.  I think she took a shine to the big guy.”

“Big guy?  Varric, you do know how to tease a girl.”

“That’s what Bianca tells me.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Shepard finished reading the letter and laid it on the desk next to Hawke’s head.  The other man didn’t move as Shepard squatted next to him, bringing himself to eye level.  He slowly reached out with his hand and casually began running his fingers through Hawke’s hair.  He’d learned relatively quickly that this had a calming effect on him.  

After several minutes, he spoke softly.  “Would you like me to come with you?”

Hawk lifted his head and met Shepard’s eyes.  “You just assume that I will go?”

Shepard shrugged.  “You wouldn’t be hurting like this if you were just angry.  You feel guilty.”

“I do.  But I’m also still angry.  And I don’t know if that’s fair.”

“Well, what are you angry about?”

“I’m angry that he didn’t just tell me years ago how he felt!  I’m angry that all this time was wasted over something so...something that could have been so easily fixed.”

“Did he really not tell you?  Or did you just not understand?”

Shepard was not surprised by the flash of anger in the other man’s eyes.

“He didn’t tell me!  He just...he…”

When Hawke trailed off, Shepard continued, “I think the truth is that you’re angry because he understands you better than you understand him at this point.”

“And what do you even know about it?”

Shepard didn’t react to the harsh tone of Hawke’s voice.  Instead, he calmly replied, “Nothing.  I’ve never met your brother, and I’ve only just got to know you.  But I do know about regret, more than I’d like to.  I think you know how much you’ll regret it if you don’t go.  If you don’t at least try to mend the rift.”

Hawke continued to glare at Shepard silently for several minutes before the anger faded all at once from his eyes, and he spoke softly.

“Yes.  I would like you to come with me.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Samantha sat in Hawke’s guest bedroom, along with James, feeling perfectly awkward.  It was obvious that something was going on with their host, something that neither she nor James had any business in.  They knew no one here except Shepard, but he was busy taking care of Hawke.

“I really am sorry, James.”

“I know, Sam.  You’ve already told me about fifty times.”

“Sorry.”

She winced as he shot her an exasperated look and just barely stopped herself from saying ‘sorry’ for a third time.  When a knock sounded on the door a moment later, she breathed an audible sigh of relief.

Before she could even get up to open it, the door flew open and a woman in a short, white...dress...shirt...thing waltzed into the room and sat herself down on the end of the bed.  Sam didn’t need an introduction.

“Isabela, I presume?”

“That’s right, Sweetness.  And that must make you Samantha.  It’s a pleasure.”

The way she purred the last word had James clearing his throat and shifting next to Sam.  “I, ah...should I leave?”

Isabela smiled.  “The more the merrier, I always say.  Anyway, we’re going for a walk.  And you’re coming too, big guy.  Leave Shepard and Hawke to deal with their...domestic issues, and we’ll go have fun.”

James raised a brow.  “I’m not sure I’m up for your brand of fun.”

Isabela laughed and Sam could only shake her head.  She’d spoken with the pirate enough by now to know that James hadn’t realized what he’s just left himself open for.

Sure enough, Isabela stood and sauntered over to him, running her finger down his chest as she said, “I know ways to cure that, friend.”  

While James sputtered, she continued, “That’s not what I had in mind for tonight, though.  We’re going to the Hanged Man.”

“The what now?”

“The pub.”  Isabella started walking towards the door, obviously expecting them to follow behind.  When James didn’t move, she called over her shoulder, “Merrill will be there.”

Both women were laughing as he hurried to catch up.

 

 


End file.
